he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
