Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
