come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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