Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
