I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
