chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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