Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
