So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
