I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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