ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
