We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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