Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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