it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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