Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
