The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
