Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
