this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
false alarm, still single
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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