She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
