DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Randomize
