I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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