i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
