the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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