I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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