if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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