The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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