I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
