Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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