Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Damn victory sex feels great
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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