Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
