It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
