just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
