JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
