so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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