She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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