John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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