with your own penis?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
