I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
