i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
