Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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