...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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