You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
