We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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