let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
