I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
