yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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