I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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