I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
