do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
