She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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