I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
