it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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