i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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