I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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