I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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