i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
