I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
then he tried to convert me to islam
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
