and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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