my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
