...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
